Today I went to see Jeremy Macey. Who is Jeremy Macey? - you may ask.
Jeremy was with me in a comedy play at Bats ages ago. Back in uni days. He contacted me after he saw the Capital Times article to say he could help. Its been his job at Creative NZ deciding on which film scripts get funding, I think. Something pretty special like that..
I have no idea about scripts, really, I just have a rough shape of the doco in my head. It's only been a year that I felt like I could contact him, and um.. er.. get up the courage? Feeling like at least I do have a concrete idea.
It was great. What can I say? I felt like I've been carrying this secret around in me - the doco - and I was able to show something of it and get it validated. Like its a serious thing - its a likely thing - not just a fairy idea.. No, maybe me validated.
Afterwards I had this feeling like I'd been washed clean a bit (from worry I suppose, going round in circles). He talked about the fact I felt like I couldn't think here, that was why I wanted to go to Iraq, so I could focus. He thought that was what writers do.
Then I came home and felt disorientated, a feeling that seems to be growing stronger, like the ground beneath me is moving and I will be cast off it, in two weeks time. It makes me feel a bit ill, but then I remember Esther saying its just normal.
I feel better when I remember that.